I was fairly excited to discover this new plotting shop in my area.(Architects tend to get excited by such things.) The fact that he prints my drawings for almost half the cost only adds to my excitement.  So the other day I was at his shop and I was thrilled to see an A0 size coloured sheet, freshly printed spread on his table like a delightful tablecloth. “Yummy” I thought and the shop owner noticed the excitement. “Madam plot kaisa hai? (Hows the plot) Colour quality?” he asked nervously. Obviously I was the veteran here and this sheet belonged to some first timer . I began surveying the drawings one by one, my eyes hovered over the sheet like a hawk.

The sheet belonged to an architecture student. The topic – Juvenile Delinquent centre in XYZ gaon, Raigad. Now I have a problem the way architectural projects are introduced in most design schools. A valid counter argument would be that this is how it happens in real life. You get a design problem, you design. Simple. But isn’t this how our mind starts to restrict itself. The design problem becomes more of a fitting out exercise, like an ikea furniture assembly. You know the requirements and the ‘design’ is just reduced to a shuffling and fitting into the site exercise. Hence when a topic is introduced it should be an idea – a seed from which the design germinates. It should make the student question himself/ herself, “How can I add value to this idea?” They may make blunders, but at least they will be original. No point in cursing students for lack of originality and individuality when schools themselves do not promote creative thinking. Design should be a fluidic process, not a packing up exercise.

Next the quality of drawings ( note – I haven’t even got to the design element yet.) I could imagine the student asking  the jurer the same question the plotter asked me, “Sir hows the colour quality?” for there was nothing remarkable about the drawings except the odd colour bombing.

“Yes?” I looked up to see a girl trying to pull the sheet away from my studious gaze. She was clearly more uncomfortable about me checking out her sheet than the plot shop assistant checking her out. She was the designer behind this depressing project.

“Oh I m sorry. What software did you use?” I blurted out. “Revit” she answered proudly. The lack of a design evolution was evident for her sheet was filled with unrequired details and info. (Having the same section in 1:50, 1:100, 1:250 etc.) She was dressed in a white t shirt and black trousers (Obviously, baaki ka colour toh plot mein hi khatam ho gaya isska.) For her I was an oldie who obviously had no idea about softwares, I could sense it from the smugness she packed in the word Revit.

I wanted to tell her, “Dear NEVER show shadows in the 2D plans, it blocks all the important information(if you have any). Dear never format your sheets such that the scio falls outside the margins and lastly dear please dont copy paste wikipedia info as your site info and if you are doing so at least address the site issues. If wikipedia says this area falls under heavy rainfall, please give an adequate overhang above every window, please ensure that your sloping roof is not just fitted like a cap on the building, that too like a swimming cap, minus any overhangs.”

I said, ” all the best for your jury”, turned around and walked away as fast as I could.

P.S. These were some honest thoughts I had after seeing her sheet. I don’t know what approach her school or her professor had adapted. But the design lethargy was evident. I knew because even I have been there done that. But I am glad I went through that design rot phase now. I hope if that’s her case, may she come out of it too before she builds anything real.

I started blogging to get away from the stress of daily life which included the horrible local train journey and strenuous site visits (and many other things which I seem to have forgotten now). Now, I have none of that in my life, I work as I please, travel only as much necessary, and I have taken up some other activities which take up most of my time, things I cant divulge at the moment, but they have re ignited the spark in me which I thought had extinguished last year. Its been five months, two projects (measly by my previous office standards in terms of scale but by far the most satisfying work I ‘ve done till date) and a month of travelling. Well it wasnt exactly an exotic getaway but it had a family wedding and a little weekend getaway mashed up into the itinerary of what would have been a prosaic relative meeting, illish maach and kosha maangsho feasting native place visit.

First, the wedding. I have begun to avoid weddings off late for the simple reason that every single time my parents are asked nonsensical questions like “when are you planning to take her off your shoulders” or “she is getting old now, how long do you want to keep her in your house?”. Questions which make me feel as worthy as  a rotting banana. (I shall elaborate on that in much more detail on my next post – the great Indian wedding tamasha.)Thankfully this time, there was none of that bullshit and everyone went on with the festivities with their noses tucked into their own respective businesses.  What there was this time around was a lot of haphazard travelling.

First off I decided to head to Deoghar in a decision that took lesser time to make than Maggi noodles. Deoghar was the venue of the wedding, and it had been five whole months that I lived without travelling to a new place. Five months on my timeline is equivalent to five years for a non travellaholic. So anyway a quick google search on Deoghar showed some famous temples and tourist spots. Enough for my standards I felt. Plus my grandpa had some really fond memories of the Deoghar landscape and pure air which he couldn’t stop gushing about. So twenty eight of us baraatis boarded the Lal Quila express which was running late by a good four hours.

We reached Josidi station at 4am and reached Deoghar by 5am. Travelling is an experience I now realized I would experience only when I travel with people of my age group. Out of the twenty eight baraatis, almost twenty were senior citizens whose first mission on reaching the hotel was to locate the rooms with a western style commode. One full hour was dedicated to this WC hunt madness. Once that was settled, came the hot water dilemma which lasted another half an hour due to the lack of geysers in the basic spartan rooms of Hotel Anjali. The only USP of the hotel was being located right on the railway platform. Thats right, right on the platform, step out of the train and into the hotel type.The next two days were filled with the usual wedding related mayhem, leaving me with little time to enjoy  the Deoghar temple or landscape. My father sensing my disappointment took me to Baidhyanath Dham. The roads leading to the temple were narrow with shops and houses lined up on both sides from whatever little I could see in the darkness. Images of lord Shiva dotted the walls, both indoor and outdoor. The temple surroundings were typical with 90% shops selling Deoghar’s special pedhas. The temple was packed with people, something to do with it being Shivratri week so did not manage to get a good look around. So much for the love of travel. Sigh! Ended up buying 2 kgs of pedhas to drown my sorrow in. At least the wedding was good.

Then came the trip to Mondarmani. I must say this is one of the most underrated places I’ve been to. The beach is still clean (by Indian beach standards) and the best part is that it’s completely motor-able..all 22 kms of it.(Its a hell of an experience to drive by the sea.) Did see a hell lot of crabs, star fishes and other sea water fauna which means the water is still clean. However there was one monstrosity which I could see was spawning tinier montrosities dotting the beach. A giant monstrosity named Rose Valley resort.

Shaped like a giant spaceship sitting and deviously smirking, you can almost hear it whisper “I am going to eat you alive, beach!” Why? This monstrous resort has a humongous temple (brand new) and an even more humongous water theme park within its premises (beats me why anyone would go for a water based theme park so close to the sea…especially in a place that runs entirely on generators and has no proper infrastructure. Yet!) Tinier resorts are springing up all along the length of the beach and one cant help but wonder the state of this place in the next two years. I really hope the WB govt. takes this up seriously or else it will just become another Digha ( crowded, littered and unbearable.)

What image does the title conjure up?

• A mason working on the thirty sixth floor of the building?
• A scuba diver salvaging old ships in the murky depths of the ocean amidst sharks and sting rays?
• An astronaut in space, living in zero gravity, in the unknown beyond?
• A journalist exploring the grimy underworld, with a constant threat to his life?
• Barack Obama

What according to you qualifies as a tough job?

• Horrible and dangerous work conditions
• Horrible people around (A boss from hell)
• Low pay and high pressure
• All of the above

Now think of this job,

A mob of ten people surrounding you at any given time, each with a different set of demands. Your task is to satisfy all of them in less than a minute. (Its not dirty. Bet your brain has cooked up some perverted fantasy already.)

The ten people need to be served an average of six times each which makes it a total of sixty assignments in ten minutes, sometimes even more in lesser time.

The ‘people’ here range from 5 year old pesky children to 75 year old fossilized uncles and aunties. Basically anyone.

The server here is not particularly trained for this job. Yet his skills need to be exemplary. The skills I am speaking of here are

• Memory – he needs to remember who has asked for what customization
• Agility – he is a one man assembly line manufacturer and his distributor. His distribution system is rotational fast and gentle since the product he is manufacturing is extremely fragile. Two hands are less for this job.
• Mathematics – Like I said before serving ten or more people an average of six times with endless customization options should automatically qualify you for a maths Nobel prize (if there is anything like that.) Also the set of clients change every ten minutes thus the set of customizations also undergo a complete reboot. He also has to keep an account of finances.

He hasn’t undergone any specialization course, I doubt if he is even tenth pass. But his dexterity, mental alertness amazes me every single time. And nobody knows his name, yet his product is sworn upon.

Yes, I am talking about this guy –

Toughest job I say

The lone ranger, juggling the right balance of aloo, teekha chatni, moong and khatta paani serving it with the skill and speed of a ninja carousel.

He whips out the fragile but delicious salty shell, punching a hole with his thumb carefully enough to not wreck the thin shell. With lightning speed, he injects in a measured amount of mashed potato, pulses and finally dips the shell in a vat containing tamarind water and subsequently chilli chutney, meetha chutney before plonking it on the plate of the consumer.

Then there are those idiots who go to the mall and buy panipuri. Neatly organized in a compartmentalized tray, the segregated components appear too clinical. The guy serving it with plastic gloves only adds to the repulsiveness. Plus he doesn’t even give you a sukkha puri.

That’s it. I cant write anymore. I think my system has a panipuri deficiency which needs to be addressed ASAP.

This was supposed to be my 10th blog post but turns out its the 11th. Damn! I was always bad at numbers. Also I am going through my annual new year inertia which means I am still in 2011 (my Januaries fall under the previous year due to this). This is  kind of a comparative analysis of the year 2001 and 2011…

10 years back ,the year was 2001, and the following events took place-

• 2001 was the year I spent a few last days in school. I could only see three alphabets – S.S.C. 10 years later I wish there was some actually relevant subjects taught to us.

•  I started my first business in the long summer vacation post S.S.C. exams. Making and selling table cloths, wall hangings etc . Gave me an idea of manufacturing, marketing, time management etc. Skills that 10+2 years of school could not teach. 10 years later I am using these same skills in my everyday life. Totally relevant.

• It was the year I got some 82% marks aggregate in S.S.C.  and celebrated while people with 90% marks were crying over not making it to the merit list.  10 years later I thank my parents for not pressurizing me. The ones who cried then are still crying now. Emotional retards.

• 2001 was the year I went to junior college. My mom had made sure I was dressed in full behenji gear on my first day of college to ward off any unwanted attention. 10 years later I have given up wearing salwar suits and I don’t get any wanted attention also. (Although there is an exception to this…) :)

• 2001 was the year I was depressed about going to Modern college rather than a Ruia or even a Swamis. Two years later, I topped (well came second by a couple of marks) Modern college. Thanks to the slacky attendance laws in Modern, I could attend tuition s properly (thank you George, Babu, Matthew.) Plus Modern wasn’t that bad either, I had a professor monitoring my progress and coming home every couple of weeks. Don’t be judgmental,  boomed a voice in my head.

• In the year 2001, I wanted to be a fashion designer and dress up people. I am an architect now and I dress up homes. Not too far. But I am proud of myself for not going the engineering + MBA way(no offends to the engineering +MBA crowd). Its all about doing what you enjoy.

• The travel bug bit me on my first long road trip to Rajasthan in 2001. Before that it was just in and around Kolkata and Delhi. Now I live to travel. Its nice.

2001 – 2011 its been a good decade. Wishing for an eventful 2011 – 2021 as well, I know we ll make it past 2012. I hope what I could not achieve in the past decade, I do in this one.

Its been a month since I ve written  anything. That would be because me and my laptop were busy attracting viruses on an alternate basis. Finally our period of well being has coincided and *drumroll* – here it is.

Off late I have been having some rather unpleasant experiences with children – age group 5 and under. Moments like these make you realize the importance of contraceptives. Few such experiences -

At a restaurant a little boy kept running encircling all the tables. Basically he was  like a mobius strip in motion. Just looking at him was dizzying enough.  Everytime he crossed his own table, his mom would hand him a papad or a pakora like a food relay race. the kid would eat some of it, drop most of it did not really matter to anyone since he was enjoying his one man rollercoaster run quietly. Matters got sizzling when he almost banged into a waiter carrying a plate of sizzlers which was about to land on our table. Fortunately the waiter exhibited superhuman agility and balanced himself. Immediately a collective stinker look was darted towards the table occupied by Mr and Mrs Mobius Strip Sr who almost involuntarily screamed out “Beta woh Aunty logon ko tang mat karo. Dekho woh auntiyan badi gussewali hai.” I did not know which was worse – almost having to eat the sizzling pieces of chicken from each others heads or being labelled as a Gussewaali aunty which seemed quite menopausal I may say.

Episode number 2 was a similar situation like above except the setting thi in a movie theatre. The child had inquiries about every scene, every character. I dont understand in the age of DVDs why do parents have to drag their kids to movie theatres to watch non kiddy movies.

Episode number 3  involves a faulty diaper and some post digestive dromit (drool + vomit). Enough said?

There are kids like the above and there is Mr Surjo Bhattacharjee – my five year old big brother. Inspite of the frequency of communicating being an average of 3 STD calls a week, our thinking level frequency is almost the same, sometimes his being higher. Some aces -

• My mother was locking her travel bag. Surjo the Great (STG) walks in and asks why is she locking the bag. She replies saying so that the thieves do not steal anything in the bag. STG (scratching his head) – But what if they steal the whole bag?

• STG had gone to a relatives house. His grandma warned him to not touch anything since everything was so well kept and decorated. STG responded – ” all this is so neat because we called and said we are coming. Even you do the same.”

• I once had a sore throat. STG enquired if I ate ice cream, custard, pudding, cold drink etc. To which I said I dont eat any of those. “Then whats the point of not eating if you still can get a sore throat.”

There are plenty more of such googlies. You will be convinced that he is a genius when he delivers these gems. Next moment he gets up and does something retarded like showing off his snot bubbles. Kids are like that. However he has already mastered using a laptop and is learning ABC on MS Word.

The kids today are a far cry from the way kids were 20 years ago. The generation gap is clearly showing, Maybe in some years I will turn into a real Gussewaali aunty. *sigh* …..

….

….

….

….

….

NOT!!!!

The multitalented multitasker Mr Surjo...

Ghar se mandir bahut dur hai,

Bhagwaan se milne tu kya jaayega,

Ek rote hue bacche ko hasaa de,

Toh bhagwaan tujhse milne aayega.

Ghar se mandir bahut duur hai,

Bhagwaan se milne tu kya jaayega,

Ek krodhit man ko shaant kar de,

Toh bhagwaan tujhse milne aayega.

Ghar se mandir bahut duur hai,

Bhagwaan se milne tu kya jaayega,

Himsa ke aag par paani pher de,

Toh bhagwaan tujhse milne aayega.

Mandir, masjid, church, gurudwaara,

Inn mein baithke samay barbaad karega kab tak,

Baahar jaa aur duniya ko sudhaar,

Toh allah,bhagwaan,yeshu hai hum mein sab…

I am an atheist, I believe there is go(o)d in all of us. (Although I do pick Ganesha as my favourite god solely for the characteristics he has.) Do good, spread the happiness, and nobody can take away your happiness. This being the season of festivals, I wish a lot of happiness and enjoyment to everyone. However one must realise that plain reciting mantras is not going to make this place any better.

“God does not make one suffer for no reason nor does He make one happy for no reason. God is very fair and gives you exactly what you deserve.” (source – Wikipedia)

A few days back I came across this brilliant visual artist – Shigeo Fukuda. Although I was completely blown away seeing his works, I was sadly surprised that I was already aware of them. I had seen most of them in email forwards and had very confidently dismissed as good albeit brilliantly creative photoshop jobs.

The piano illusion

the trashy couple

You thought PS too right? Its real. Courtesy- http://www.psychologie.tu-dresden.de.  More of his works here.

I resigned from my job this month. And subsequently realized there is a mothership of an illusion that drives all us humans – the desire to be free. While the (late) Mr Fukuda’s illusions are tangible and in a way measurable, freedom is amorphous – a state everyone wishes to achieve in their own way but never really quite reaches there. For eg – A child looks at an adult and thinks -“they are so lucky since they are free to do whatever they want while I have to go to school, eat on time, attend classes, blah blah.” Vice versa the adult thinks “how I wish I could go back to my childhood days of being carefree and innocent. Office, EMIs, family pressures have robbed my freedom.” Similarly a salaried professional looks at an entrepreneur and thinks  “its so cool that he/she gets to do whatever he wants not seeing completely ignoring the burdens and responsibilities the other guy has.Similarly the entrepreneur thinks how lucky that he gets his salary on time not having to worry about getting projects/ paying staff /paperwork etc.” The examples are never ending but well I guess point proved.

The truth is there is no such thing as complete freedom as long as we are alive. Even the toothbrush claiming to be free with the toothpaste is not actually free. The company has devised a way to trick you into paying for the toothbrush.

Freedom, Moksha, Nirvana call it whatever you want, I ll call it the biggest and most universally appealing “gaajar” out there. Aur iss gaajar ka kabhi halwa nahin banne wala hai. Magar Gaajar ke peeche bhaagnewaale ka jaroor halwa banta hai. On a positive note, Gaajar marathon isnt all bad, it gives the runners hope, something to look forward to. However it turns negative when one is only running behind the gaajar, ignoring everything else along the way. With no offenses meant towards vermin, thats what we call the rat race (maybe rats call it the human race…no?).

So is there a solution? I would say yes. Enjoy the moment you are in. Apart from the all elusive gaajar, include other vegetables in your diet too. Learn to imbibe positives from the people around. It isnt that tough.

After I quit, a lot of my friends have told me that I should be happy as I am now free to do what I want. Coming clean, I quit because I was not excited to go to work anymore, the work I was doing did not interest me and resigning felt correct. The best advise I got during some very confused should I/ should I not quit days was from a very good friend -this is your best time, do nothing now and you will regret all your life. Live your life now and your life ahead will be bearable just by thinking about these days even if you fail. Forget everything else and just do what makes you happy.

Since we are on the topic of  illusionary bubbles popping, a rudimentary  cartoon based on a real life episode-

A wise man once said – ” Just cheeeell, cheeelllll… just cheeeeeelllll.”

Recently I read somewhere that the author of the blockbuster book – The Immortals of Meluha is in talks with a few Bollywood producers for a movie adaptation. My exceptionally vela brain immediately started thinking of the possibilities (it may be vela but it Is extremely talented in such matters). So presenting a few possibilities of what eminent filmmakers could perceive of the book – Warning most of the plots have little to do with the book … (Also apologies to everyone mentioned, in the rare possibility that they stumble upon this.)

Aditya Chopra (circa DDLJ)

Shiva and Sati are NRI kids who meet on a eurorail going to Mount Mandar- a popular hill station in Switzerland?! (Staying true to book and phoren location – so smart) Shiva is the spoilt rowdy wanderer touring Europe with his bro Bhadra and Sati is the traditional goody two shoes accompanied by her BFF Kruttika.They hate each other at first but eventually fall for each other. Problem happens. Sati’s old man Dakshya has already promised her hand in marriage to Parvateshwara’s Son. (Character introduced-does not exist in book). Son is evil incarnate and friends with Nagas. Sati being a good girl comes back to her native land Meluha and Shiva follows her. Daksha catches the love birds together and is pissed. Parvateshwara Jr. and co bash up Shiva at railway station. Shiva fights back and kicks the Naga ass. Shiva catches train, Daksha catches Sati’s hand, Daksha catches the lovee in air and leaves Sati’s hand. Sati also catches train. Happy ending!

(Please note – a little creative liberty has been taken due to which there is no Somras, no chandravanshi appearing in this cinematic adaptation. The Director perceives it as a love story and has removed what he felt unnecessary. Possible name – Meluha ke amar dilwaale. )

Ram Gopal Verma (circa Company)

A young man Shiva joins the Meluhan underworld mafia to make it big. His street-smartness and extraordinary fighting skills results in profits for his gang and gets him closer to Daksha – the old leader of the Suryavanshi gang. Daksha is very ambitious and in order to get take control of the reins of the Meluhan underworld wants to bump off the rival Chandravanshi gang. The objective is to gain sole Somras smuggling rights and benefits. Thus begins a severe gang war between Suryavanshis and Chandravanshis. They hire the skilled sharp shooters –the Nagas to assassinate each other. The Chandravanshis bump of Shivas best friend Brihaspati. Shiva swears revenge. Bumps of the Chandravanshis one by one in slickly edited guerilla ishtyle moves with flashing montages of Daksha smiling (GovindaGovindaGovindaGovinda). Daksha finally impressed, passes on reins of the underworld to Shiva. All this is being watched by a Chandravanshi family member on a screen. To know who you will have to wait for the sequel…

( Please note – a little creative liberty has been taken due to which the characters Sati Parvateshwara, Brihaspati etc appear in minor side roles in this cinematic adaptation.Also, Kanakhala appears in an item number. The Director perceives it as a fictional expose on the Mumbai underworld has removed what he felt unnecessary. Possible name – Meluha/Somras/Shiva(already taken) basically anything in one word.)

Prakash Jha (circa Raajneeti)

The young phoren MBA degree holder Shiva returns to his native Meluha. His family is the most politically powerful family of the province. Shiva falls in love with local girl Sati and wants to marry her but Sati being a vikarma (untouchable) cannot marry. Shiva then joins the Suryavanshi political party and takes on the issue of untouchability. His opponent is the Chandravanshi political party who want to retain the practice of vikarma for evil dastardly reasons. In the end Shiva wins the election, abolishes the vikarma law and marries Sati. Happy ending!

(Please note – a little creative liberty has been taken due to which there is no Somras and the Nagas, Parvateshvara, Brihaspati etc appear in minor roles in this cinematic adaptation. The Director perceives it as an issue based film. Possible name – Vikarma.)

Other rejected drafts in a sentence–

Rohit Shetty – Meluha mein Golmaal…Shiva and Bhadra get into all sorts of supposedly comic misadventures in Meluha ultimately defeating the Chandravanshis in a comedy of errors battle.

Farhan Akhtar – An in-depth look at the bro-mance between Shiva and Bhadra as they tour Meluha and discover themselves.

Anurag Kashyap – Focusing on Shiva and Sati’s complicated relationship due to Shiva’s addiction to Marijuana.

The Bhatts/ Sanjay F Gupta - They are waiting for a Korean adaptation of the book. They will then “adapt” the Korean adaptation to a Hindi one.

There was only one draft which stayed true to the book. That was -

Ashutosh Govarikar (circa Jodha Akbar)

This adaptation is truest to the book. No cuts, every scene shot in exact detail, in fact one page of the book would equal to 5 pages of screenplay. Also the war between the Suryavanshis and Chandravanshis is depicted in extreme detail. Then whats the problem?

The movie is 6 hours long.

Amish Tripathi – if you ever read this – I loved your book 

Ganpati is undoubtedly the coolest God around in my opinion. What makes me say so you ask? Well for starters the whole city turns into one giant discotheque for 10 days with the fancy lighting, nashik dhol and creatively done pandals. And our dearest Ganpati Bappa is no less than a superstar. People come from all parts of Maharashtra and Karnataka to visit Lalbaugchya Raja. They camp out side in the queue for over a day (sometimes two) just to meet and greet the divine rockstar. I bet no Harry Potter movie release can match up to that sort of  fan frenzy and hysteria.

Despite him having the fanbase more than all the Khans, Roshans and Kapoors combined, he comes across as someone really humble and down to earth. And extrememly friendly too. He is someone with whom you could discuss anything under the sun over some modaks and he will listen patiently even helping you out where needed. What really endears him is his relaxed demeanour – by that I mean no red tapism in praying and no torturous fasting. (Chanting mantras I do not understand is something I despise) . Nowhere in Hindu mythology does it mention about Ganpati getting mad and cursing someone or destroying something. Despite his role as the Vighnaharta (troubleshooter) he is someone who is always extremely chilled out and loves to live it up. Also there is something about his appearance. He does not set extraordinary standards of beauty like some of the greek gods, and he gives a damn! Despite the elephant head,rotund belly and chipped tooth he is the most aesthetic  arrangement of curves -  The first Godly form I had learnt to sketch. As an artist I absolutely love the fact that a few curves can create such a beautiful form. I have been a Ganpati idol collector since a long time and my collection boasts of 35 different forms of the elephant god in different materials including betelnut carving, coconut shells, crystal, leaves and shells.

I am not an overtly religious person, I dont fast, and I dont know the difference between the numerous ekadashis, pournimas, panchamis etc that dote the Hindu calendar. Wikipedia says there are 330 million Hindu gods and I dont know more than 10 (ok maybe 20 if I really focus hard). But something really draws me to Ganpati. For me he is much more than a troubleshooter. For me Ganesha is a manifestation of the inner strength, the power to take you through your problems  (accessible 24/7) and every human being has that strength in them.

No wonder his popularity is not just restricted to India but spreads onto Nepal, Thailand, China and Japan.  He is the original Indian international celebrity!!! 

He is everywhere...you just need to look around

The first rays of the sun broke the spell of my dormancy. My senses awoke quickly one after the other. The first thing I knew is that it had begun again…the cycle, a curse of the Ort-em life. It was a way of life I had chosen for myself. As much as I dreaded this recurring chain of events, I needed it to keep me alive.  The challenging tasks I performed daily gave me a sense of both identity and achievement.

The start of the day was marked by the most difficult challenge – a journey. I cannot reveal to where and why right now but this journey was the single most important yet perilous part of the day. If I could reach my destination unharmed, the remaining day would easily pass. I was a seasoned traveler by now and whenever required I put my experience to good use by imparting some wisdom to the newly initiated ortem-ites who were taking baby steps into the journey. Seeing them, I remembered my early days where my instinct used to guide me and my energy used to keep me going. Now my body has set itself to a rhythm and moves by itself, almost involuntarily – like a dance.

I equip myself with the primal necessities and set out. A small three legged creature called the ot-ua waits to carry me to the ni-art. A slight miscalculation of timing at this point and I would miss the ni-art, triggering off a chain of unfortunate events leading to complete chaos and disorder. Obstacles on land are aplenty – convincing the ot-ua, riding it on challenging terrain, the sesubs‘- giant red maniacs with the power to crush anything in it’s way, and the most dreaded of all – the magical lights called the slan-gis that had the power to freeze all things moving. I remember once as a new traveler, the ot-ua I was in had turned turtle while trying to avoid a large crater. As a seasoned ortem-ite, I knew how to control the ot-ua as they lacked any sense of direction or speed. Also, there was a trick while alighting, One had to remunerate them and be particular with the amount. A little deviation in the amount and they would unleash their toxic tongues spewing acidic venom. That would be enough to screw the remaining journey.

I had overcome the first challenge of the journey. The Ni-art is still at the port, waiting to set off. I run as fast as I can and lunge in with a long jump just as the Ni-art sets off. I breathe my first relaxed breath of the day. By a fraction of a second, I had managed to make it in, like most of the days. Luckily I find a place to sit, amidst the other ortem-ites. Some were seasoned travelers like me while some were freshly starting out. What we all had in common was a sense of purpose. We were all important cogs in the machine  called society. If we did not make this journey,  society as we knew it would collapse.

The Ni-art was a behemoth of a vehicle, destined to carry the cursed ortem-ites to their place of purpose. It had a carved a path of its own and no other vehicle would dare to come in its way. It always gained a look of awe and respect from the tribal children who lived and played alongside its path. The Ni-art was filled with a variety of arachnids, vermin, and other insects crawling all over and feeding on the remnants left behind by the previous travelers. These were the least of our concerns though. One needed to be alert of pickpockets, luggage thieves and other dangerous elements. Sometimes the tribes we crossed would get hostile and attack the ni-art with light artillery most notably the tribes of the Al-adaw region. Overall, if you were not careful, you could land in grave trouble.

My thoughts were quickly diverted by a stench. We were approaching the toxic mountains of Id-navog. I quickly pulled out an air filter and stuck it on my face as did everyone else.  The fumes emanating were strong enough to knock an elephant unconscious. Even little amounts inhaled could amount to nausea, giddiness etc.  Yet, there were people living here in these toxic wastelands, their wretchedness was worse of all ortem-ites. The Ni-art journey which we dreaded was the best part of their day…away from the waste, the smell, the fumes…

As soon as we crossed the port of ragan-kalit , all of us switched to attention mode.  We all assumed our positions along the fringes and corners grabbing whatever support we could find as the next port approaching was Al –Ruk. Al-Ruk was an important port as it had strong connectivity with a lot of other provinces. The tribe of Al –Ruk however was greatly feared. They were the largest in number and were known for their ferociousness and strength. They possessed superhuman energy, enough to blow away anyone standing in their path. Before the Ni-art had even stopped at the Al-Ruk port, they gave out a loud war cry and began jumping in, all at once, ferociously clawing at anyone who unsuspectingly stood near any entrance. I knew exactly where to stand so as to avoid any physical and eye contact with these barbarians. Once the Ni-art left the port of Al –Ruk, the tribe began to settle down and the chaos slowly subsided. Suddenly, we heard were a fierce and loud exchange of expletives. It was an Al-Ruk barbarian against a Druhk-Nam sea trader. Just a little entertainment.  Nothing extraordinary today.

My destination was near. We had crossed the arid deserts of Al-Adaw without any ambushes or attacks and were entering the province of Ir-Wes. The stench of dried carcasses grew stronger as we entered the port of Ir -Wes. I maneuvered my way to the exit, carefully avoiding stepping on any traps the barbarians laid out in the ni-art (it was their idea of fun). The terrain of Ir-Wes was rough; the port of Al-Adaw was considered safer and many travelers preferred to alight there. I liked the adventure and the risks. Also I ended up saving a lot of time. The nearest civilization was far from the port and one had to climb up a steep cliff or trek a considerable distance through the dried carcass market. I preferred the climb.

On reaching the nearest civilization, the last of the day’s challenges lay waiting – The taming of the Ix-ats.  The Ix-ats were cfour legged creatures  slightly larger than the Ot-uas and the Ix-ats of the Ir-Wes province were known to be rogue beasts of the highest order. To tame them required a great deal of skill and patience. They rode  even more recklessly than the ot-ua’s. After swerving dangerously at a breakneck speed over the dangerous terrains of Ir-wes, I reached my final destination –The great white edifice . I ran up the flight of stairs and pushed open the large door.  It was a quarter past the tenth hour. I had made it in time…

Spoiler alert –

I snapped out of the fantasy world,then I had my coffee, checked my emails on MS Outlook and clicked the AutoCAD 2010 icon on the desktop…what fun is life without a little exaggeration our lives are nothing short of a fantasy novel…( clue – read the italics backwards – I am not smoking JK Rowling pot…)